Ostara

Ostara... the first day of spring. The natural world is fresh and new as it emerges from the winter sleep. To me, it is a time of growth, renewal... a chance to start fresh or explore something new.



I have been very busy this week and also full of inspiration and ideas. I've made a few things that I'll take to my friends shop tomorrow. Hopefully she will think they are appropriate to sell in her shop. If not, I have other ideas. I've been looking into opening an Etsy shop. I haven't decided yet if I will, but the idea is interesting.

This past week has been a time of purging for me. I've been cleaning and organizing things in my home, getting rid of things that no longer serve or that I never really wanted to begin with. I've taken stock of my oils and herbs, organizing them and grouping them in a more useful manner. I'm finding myself using them more lately and intend for that to continue and increase.

Happy Ostara, everyone. May the spring bring you a renewed sense of purpose in all that you are and want.

Blessings,
~*~

Happy Friday the 13th!

Does the thought of the 13th day of a month falling on a Friday make you want to stay home, under the covers, hiding until the day is over? If so, you may suffer from Paraskevadecatriaphobia?

Don't be afraid! It is just a normal day, like any other.

Today is the second Friday the 13th of 2009. There was one last month and there will be a third in November. Personally, I love Friday the 13th. I've always seemed to have good luck or no bad luck on these days and so I never developed the fear everyone else seems to have.


So, get up, get out and enjoy your day!

Blessings
~*~

trouble?

There was a ring around the moon tonight. It is usually a sign of trouble not far off. It makes me anxious. What more trouble do we need? Is it a sign just to those who recognize it as such or does it affect everyone, whether or not they recognize the signs? Are omens really warnings, or have we just come to notice the "coincidence" of things happening at certain times? I guess it all depends on your beliefs.

I for one, believe in "signs" or "omens". I realize now that I was already feeling anxious, before I noticed the ring around the moon.

I'm tired tonight. I think I will take one more peek at the moon, whisper a prayer and a wish and then go to bed.

Blessings
~*~

Wishing moon

Tonight, at 10:39pm edt, is the full moon. Tonight's moon is the Hare Moon and it is also a wishing moon. According to the Season's of the Witch calendar:
"wishing moons occur only four times a year on the moon closest to the sabbats. They are occasions for planning the goals of the coming quarter and assessing the results of the quarter past."

Today is also a good day for workplace spells. If there is something about your work that you don't like, today is a good day to work on changing that magically.

I've been using the 7th House's Seasons of the Witch Planners for three or four years and I love them. They have lots of good information each month on aspects of the moon, times for workings and energies that are available for workings. Plus, the artwork that is lovely.

You can check them out here.

Be sure to check out the moon tonight and don't forget to make a wish...

Blessings
~*~

my world today

what i woke up to...






i'm staying home today to enjoy the beauty that i wouldn't be able to see from my office with no windows...

i hope that your world is beautiful to you today too...

blessings
~*~

It's snowing!!

...i mean REALLY snowing... :-)

more on this latest development tomorrow...

blessings
~*~

Ruts

I'm in a rut again... or is it a funk? I don't know. I did really well last week, made it to work every day and was feeling good. Saturday was a gorgeous day and I ran a lot of errands and had a good day. Then Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like crap warmed over. I've been in a "mood" ever since. This is my second day of not going to work this week. I'm having trouble keeping up with what day it is, much less where the moon cycle is. I missed the new moon and now have missed the full moon.

I have been keeping my "house project" spell going. I don't know if I'm anxious about the house or if there is something else going on. I'm still not sleeping and am just exhausted all the time. Yesterday, when I couldn't talk myself into going to work, I made myself a promise that I would at least be productive around the house. I have a lot to do to get it ready to list and should be spending my time working on it. However, I ended up sleeping until 11, watched Gilmore Girls reruns and read all day. Not one single thing productive was accomplished. (Well, I did go to the doctor for lab work, more on that later.)

Last night, I was all set to go to work this morning. When the morning came, I just couldn't force myself to go. So, I went back to bed for a little while. I got up about an hour ago and have started laundry, taken my shot and eaten a banana, emptied the dishwasher and washed the dishes that were in the sink. I'm going to work on the house today, trying to go through the junk that I can't let go of and either toss it or box it up and get it in the attic. I need to get this house ready to sell.

As far as my being unable to make myself leave for work, it's like a wall goes up around my house and I can't push my way out. It isn't a full fledged panic attack, I know how those feel all too well. But it is similar in that I just can't make myself move. I need to find out how to get to the bottom of these episodes and deal with them. If I'm going to have my dream house, then I'm going to have to work for it. Maybe I'll be able to tolerate the job more when I have a place to come home to that I love and not one that I hate and where I want to beat the crap out of the neighbors.

Ugh...

Blessings
~*~

Saturday Sky

Twilight

Just One Thing...

GO STEELERS!!!!!!!

he's home

The beast came home tonight. They say he did well overnight and have switched him back to two insulin shots a day. He still is not eating much and is doing nothing but sleeping since he came home. I had a call from from the internist department at a big state vet school. His doc had called in a referral. I thought she had just called to ask some questions, I didn't realize she wanted him to go there for testing and exams. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do that. The basic exam and blood work is between six and eight hundred dollars. If he had to spend the night or had to have anything else done, it would go up dramatically. Plus, since the school is almost two hours away, I'd have to take a day or two off from work.

I don't know what to do. I told the internist that I wanted to talk to his doctor and get a better understanding of what they are hoping to get from this. He is only eleven years old. That doesn't seem so old for a lab. My dad's lab lived to be seventeen. But the doctor says that because he has had diabetes for so long (six years) that he is really much older.

Ugh.. maybe after I talk to the doctor I'll feel better or at least know which way to go.

Thanks for keeping him in your thoughts.

Blessings
~*~

beastie update

The beast is spending the night at the emergency vet tonight. The vet is concerned that something else is wrong and that is why he can't get regulated with the insulin. They are running a 24 hour glucose curve and so he stays there tonight and in the morning I pick him up and take him back to the regular vet. I assume it is to finish the rest of the glucose curve.

I did make it back to work today. It wasn't too bad a day, long because I was late getting there and had to stay later than usual to make up the time. Tonight will be cold since I don't have my four legged heater with me. :-(

My tarheels play again tonight, so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully they have their heads in the game and play well.

Anyway, I have nothing else to share tonight. Thanks for all you kind support for the beast. I'm hoping that everything will be okay.

Blessings,
~*~

keeping promises

So, if you'll remember, yesterday I said that I would be going back to work today and would only be taking time off in emergencies. Yeah..well...I'm not so good with the keeping promises like that. I did have every intention of going, but when I woke up this morning and took the beast out, this is what I found...



Yes.. I will use any excuse to avoid a place that I hate and despise with a passion. Honestly, though, I just feel nothing when I go there. I used to go in and look at my job as being productive and that I was useful to someone. Now, it is just this place that I loathe but yet, pays the bills. That is a very important thing. I try to remind myself that I am very lucky to even have a job as lots of people don't. So, I'm trying to work on my attitude about it. Therefore, I will be back to work tomorrow...

In other news, I finished my k2p2 scarf... or maybe I've already mentioned that? Anyway, here's a pic:



The beast is acting funny today. He's not eating and is sleeping constantly. I'm going to take him in tomorrow for a glucose curve. The roads are too dangerous for me today and plus his vet is not there. I don't remember if I mentioned that over the weekend we changed his insulin. He now takes an animal insulin instead of human insulin and he is taking much less. He was pretty wobbly this morning, so I guess it's good that I stayed home.

yeah.. I know... excuses... :-)

blessings,
~*~

Seems like a Sunday

Today has been a lazy day for me. It seems like a Sunday instead of Monday. I go back to work tomorrow. I am determined not to miss anymore work unless it is an emergency. Today I've been hanging around the house, cooking and general stuff.

I went for a nice drive yesterday. There was a lot of beautiful scenery but I wasn't able to get any photos. Maybe next time, I can get some photos.

Does anyone watch Paranormal State? I can't decide if I like it or hate it. I wish they didn't take everything from a strictly Christian standpoint.

Oh well... better go check my chicken and noodles. I'm getting hungry.

Blessings,
~*~

PS: Thanks for all the comments from the music post. I've been trying to keep my head out of my iPod a little more. :-)

Saturday Sky

music

Do you ever feel lost for words, desperate to be able to express yourself to someone, anyone and not have the ability to put words together that will let them understand what it is you are feeling...thinking?

What about when you find a song that says it all for you? Do you feel better knowing that someone else in the world must be feeling the way you do and you aren't alone, how else could the words to the song be so perfect? Or do you feel somehow less, because you couldn't put the words together right, but they did?

I find for me it is mostly joy at knowing that somehow, I can get across what I'm thinking and feeling. Even if I didn't write the words, the resonate so deeply that they are more perfect than anything I could have said.

This song is breaking my heart right now...

I listen to it over and over and can't stop the tears that fall. I wonder sometimes if I disappeared, if anyone would even notice. I am not important here. I make no impact on the world around me, the people that I interact with each day. In fact, lately, I've barely interacted with anyone. Most of the time, I have my headphones in, listening to my iPod. I never go anywhere without it. At work, it keeps me from hearing the joking and laughing at my expense usually and keeps me from having to make polite conversation with people that I'd rather not even be near.

At home, well, I don't know why I keep them in at home. There is no else here to avoid. I just want to hear the music, maybe it keeps my own thoughts buried.

~*~

doggie business

My poor baby boy had to go to hospital today...he has a hematoma in his ear and it needed surgery to repair. Unfortunately, after the exam this morning and hearing my description of some issues we had this weekend - he's been leaving little cow pies behind when he sleeps and also couldn't get into the car by himself, i had to lift his back end for him - the doc decided that we should not put him under anesthesia.

I can't tell you how happy I was to hear this. When I dropped him off this morning, I had a very hard time leaving him. I felt very nervous about the surgery. He is getting older, he's 11 now - but with his diabetes the vet said its more like 15 or so, and he seems to be falling apart.

They drained his ear and wrapped it all up in a bandage. We will have to go back every other day to have the bandage changed for a while. He had this same problem about a year or so ago, except it was the other ear. He looks a little funny and is currently on the floor beside the sofa, snoring to beat the band. At least they wrapped him with a carolina blue bandage. We like our tarheel blue around here...after all, we have tarheel hearts. :-)

Blessings,
~*~

Saturday Sky 2009

“There is one spectacle grander than the sea, that is the sky; there is one spectacle grander than the sky, that is the interior of the soul” ~Victor Hugo

Blessings,
~*~

Thanks

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post from yesterday. Each of you helped me a great deal and I am very appreciative. I have figured out, thanks in large part to your comments, that what I have been feeling is doubt and fear. I'm determined not to give into it this time. So, thanks for all your help and support.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

Blessings,
~*~

how do you know...

how do you know if that voice in your head is doubt or intuition...or something else? how do you know whether you are making the right decision? how do you know?

really... i'm asking... how do you know? when you are trying to make changes in your life, taking on a new project or just to answer the simple question of 'these are my options, which should i choose'...how do you know? the fear is always there, isn't it? but how do you know if fear of failure is really what is telling you not to take a certain path...couldn't it be intuition? if over and over you hear the whispers telling you it won't work, don't do it, is that intuition...or doubt? how do you know?

i really need some help here...please... how do YOU tell the difference?

blessings,
~*~

making wishes reality...

I've been a busy witch today. I've been working on making my wishes a reality. I have an appointment with the bank loan officer this afternoon and I'm going to inquire about the loan for my dream home. In anticipation, I have made a mojo bag to carry with me and also begun a honey jar spell to "sweeten" the bank officer. I can't get this house/property out of my mind. When I was getting the paperwork together to take to the bank I found the paperwork from the listing agent that I received over a year ago when I went to see the property.

Last week, when I talked with one of my good friends, she was thrilled when I told her that the house had become available again and she also believes that it is supposed to be mine. I tell you, I am determined to make this happen. I know I belong there, I believe... I believe... I b.e.l.i.e.v.e!

Blessings,
~*~