I'm in a rut again... or is it a funk? I don't know. I did really well last week, made it to work every day and was feeling good. Saturday was a gorgeous day and I ran a lot of errands and had a good day. Then Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like crap warmed over. I've been in a "mood" ever since. This is my second day of not going to work this week. I'm having trouble keeping up with what day it is, much less where the moon cycle is. I missed the new moon and now have missed the full moon.
I have been keeping my "house project" spell going. I don't know if I'm anxious about the house or if there is something else going on. I'm still not sleeping and am just exhausted all the time. Yesterday, when I couldn't talk myself into going to work, I made myself a promise that I would at least be productive around the house. I have a lot to do to get it ready to list and should be spending my time working on it. However, I ended up sleeping until 11, watched Gilmore Girls reruns and read all day. Not one single thing productive was accomplished. (Well, I did go to the doctor for lab work, more on that later.)
Last night, I was all set to go to work this morning. When the morning came, I just couldn't force myself to go. So, I went back to bed for a little while. I got up about an hour ago and have started laundry, taken my shot and eaten a banana, emptied the dishwasher and washed the dishes that were in the sink. I'm going to work on the house today, trying to go through the junk that I can't let go of and either toss it or box it up and get it in the attic. I need to get this house ready to sell.
As far as my being unable to make myself leave for work, it's like a wall goes up around my house and I can't push my way out. It isn't a full fledged panic attack, I know how those feel all too well. But it is similar in that I just can't make myself move. I need to find out how to get to the bottom of these episodes and deal with them. If I'm going to have my dream house, then I'm going to have to work for it. Maybe I'll be able to tolerate the job more when I have a place to come home to that I love and not one that I hate and where I want to beat the crap out of the neighbors.