Monday, September 29, 2008


I am utterly exhausted. After three days of doing nothing but lying down, I went back to work today. It was not pleasant. I am still hurting a bit when I take deep breaths and my shoulder is still hurting. I'm not really sure why. I also developed a migraine and am not sure if it is from the stress of worrying about this or being at work. :-)

In other news, my beastie has been having issues this weekend with being able to hold his bladder. Three times I caught him peeing in the house. Ugh! So, this morning I took him in to the vet to checked out. It turns out that he has a urinary track infection and a very bad ear infection. He is on two more medications and they also did a fructosamine (not sure about the spelling) test to check his blood sugars. Hopefully they will come back normal and we won't have to change his dosage of that. I tell ya, I just don't know how I make it each month. Last Thursday I spent $202 dollars for on his special dog food and supplements. Today it was another $337. Oh My Goodness! I think I spend almost half my check on the animals each month.

Anyway, still no word from the GI. I'm betting it will be later in the week and am trying to keep myself from stressing too much. Ha Ha!

It is hot here today. It went back up to the 80's. I hate it. I think in a few days it is supposed to go back to the 60's. I can't wait for the cooler weather to come back.


Friday, September 26, 2008


First, I want to say Thank You for the hugs, prayers and kind thoughts and words. You guys are so great!

The procedure went well and I was released around 2:30 this afternoon. The doctor who did the biopsy said I could not stay by myself tonight so my mum decided I would be staying with her. We ended up getting into a slightly heated argument about it. She wanted me to come to her house and stay so that she'd "be more comfortable." I was so hurt by that. I ended up getting to come home, but not before I had to get snippy about it. I thought we had decided that she would stay here with me. But after about two hours here with me, she decided to go home. She said for me to keep the phone close by in case there was a problem. I tell you, I just don't get it.

As far as the procedure itself, it wasn't too bad. The worst part was the pain afterward. They made me lie on my side, the one they had just poked into, to put pressure on it and help it heal. It really hurt! I have bruises on my side, my hands, my arms. I was poked and prodded so much.

So, I'm sitting on my couch, watching reruns of Two and a Half Men. I hope the pain will lessen soon. They gave me two vicodin a little after 1pm and at 2 when they came to check on me about discharging me they were surprised that the pain hadn't lessened. Unfortunately, they wouldn't give me more drugs.

I should hear something from the doctor about the test results next week. Hopefully, it will be early in the week. I hate waiting...


Thursday, September 25, 2008


Fall seems to have come to my area with a bang. The weather has been in the high 60's and low 70's for a high for the last few days. It feels wonderful. We are getting high winds thanks to the storm off the NC coast. I love it so much! I have the windows open and have really been enjoying the cool weather and fresh air.

The last few weeks I've had a lot on my mind. So much so, that I've been unable to focus on much of anything. Work has required a lot of extra hours and with all the stress I have pretty much lost the ability to sleep. I'm worried. I'm also scared.

I have been having a few health problems and have seen several different doctors. No one can seem to come to a consensus as to what might be wrong with me. Apparently several of the results have not been good. Therefore, tomorrow morning I'll be at the hospital having a biopsy of my liver. The issue that the GI thinks I have is a disease that is only treated with medication that I don't want to take. The side effects will just exacerbate the symptoms I already have. I'm trying not to put the proverbial cart before the horse, but I am worried.

I'm pretty much in a wait and see mode and have been for weeks now while they do one test after another. It is very, very frustrating to me. I don't like to wait for answers. I like to know as soon as possible. I'm expecting a week or two before I'll actually know what is wrong with me. Unfortunately, this whole process has just revived all my memories and feelings from three years ago when I found out I had ovarian cancer. That was the most devastating doctor's visit I have ever had. I'm hoping there won't be another one to rival it.

I debated talking about this here. Honestly, I have no where else to talk about it. I can't share this information with people at work. My family has enough stress on them so talking with them isn't possible. Then my mum... well, mum lives in her own little world where nothing is ever bad and only good things are possible. I found out recently that all this time since my hysterectomy, she has believed that I only had benign tumors. Um...hello...benign tumors? I ended up having to call my gynecologist in order to verify that I had understood my diagnosis correctly. And to top it off, when I told mum I had to have a biopsy, the first words out of her mouth was "don't schedule it for next week, I don't have time." What the F is that? Ugh!

So, I'm on pins and needles, waiting... again. And I'm really, really scared.


Sunday, September 07, 2008

It's finally here... or where I ramble.. a lot

It's time for some FOOTBALL!!!!

Autumn is close at hand and the weather will soon start to cool off. Thank the gods! It has been so hot and I've been so busy with work (which I hate) and been so sick that my yard hasn't been mowed in over two weeks. I'm trying to find someone who will mow for me occasionally.

I picked several small bell peppers, some jalapenos, and a couple of habeneros from the garden this morning. I didn't plant any fall or winter plants because at the time I thought I was moving. I'm feeling very good about my decision to stay put. I still have that other place in mind to move to eventually, when all the stars align. I realize I've never actually shown the property that I want to move to on the blog. So, maybe, if I put it out in the universe more, and let you all see what it is I am wanting, it will help move those stars around. :-)

So, if you want to see my dream home, click here. The area is very nice and the house really does sit down in a hollow so that you are looking up at the hills around it. I am so in love with it and know that it is where I belong. I'll get there eventually, I just need to get my mojo workin'. (And if you are feeling it and want to send energies towards helping me get this place, I'd appreciate it!) :-)

Speaking of mojo, I was talking to a friend of mine the other week and realized after talking to her that for someone who is a witch, I sure don't practice a lot of witchcraft. I'm currently changing that. I've setup my blessings altar and have some things ready to start my enemies altar. I'm finding that my witchcraft, which used to be very fluffy-bunny, light and love; has become what I consider to be more old school. The hoodoo course I'm taking has also had an effect on my craft. In my early years, if someone did something against me or to hurt or harass me, I would wish them love and healing of their "dark" side. Now, if someone comes against me or harasses me or mine, well... all bets are off. I have no qualms anymore about pulling out the black candles and the D.U.M.E oil.

Anyway, I'm rambling, and I'm tired. So, I'm going to go watch the game (Steelers are already up 21-0) and find some lunch. The rest of the day will be continuing work on laundry and getting my craft table cleaned off so I can get some of the spirit catchers made this week before the full moon. I also have to start work on my list of what type of job I want to move to and gird myself up to face another work week.


Friday, September 05, 2008


I try not to blog about my job. I try harder to keep from revealing too much information if/when I do talk about it. I'm going to stick to that right now. What I am going to say, is that I'm fed up. I am so sick and tired and frustrated and disgusted with our company. There are actually hundreds more adjectives I could use to describe how I feel right now, but they might be redundant. I think you get the point.

In December, I will have 10 years with this company. I will start getting longevity checks, I will get more sick days and vacation days. If I can stay for the next 20 years, I can retire at age 59 with full retirement benefits (including health insurance). This is all great stuff and wonderful reasons to tough it out.

I honestly think the job will kill me before I reach my 30 years.

I'm looking for a new job.

Wish me luck.