Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Ruts

I'm in a rut again... or is it a funk? I don't know. I did really well last week, made it to work every day and was feeling good. Saturday was a gorgeous day and I ran a lot of errands and had a good day. Then Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like crap warmed over. I've been in a "mood" ever since. This is my second day of not going to work this week. I'm having trouble keeping up with what day it is, much less where the moon cycle is. I missed the new moon and now have missed the full moon.

I have been keeping my "house project" spell going. I don't know if I'm anxious about the house or if there is something else going on. I'm still not sleeping and am just exhausted all the time. Yesterday, when I couldn't talk myself into going to work, I made myself a promise that I would at least be productive around the house. I have a lot to do to get it ready to list and should be spending my time working on it. However, I ended up sleeping until 11, watched Gilmore Girls reruns and read all day. Not one single thing productive was accomplished. (Well, I did go to the doctor for lab work, more on that later.)

Last night, I was all set to go to work this morning. When the morning came, I just couldn't force myself to go. So, I went back to bed for a little while. I got up about an hour ago and have started laundry, taken my shot and eaten a banana, emptied the dishwasher and washed the dishes that were in the sink. I'm going to work on the house today, trying to go through the junk that I can't let go of and either toss it or box it up and get it in the attic. I need to get this house ready to sell.

As far as my being unable to make myself leave for work, it's like a wall goes up around my house and I can't push my way out. It isn't a full fledged panic attack, I know how those feel all too well. But it is similar in that I just can't make myself move. I need to find out how to get to the bottom of these episodes and deal with them. If I'm going to have my dream house, then I'm going to have to work for it. Maybe I'll be able to tolerate the job more when I have a place to come home to that I love and not one that I hate and where I want to beat the crap out of the neighbors.

Ugh...

Blessings
~*~

5 comments:

Sara said...

I am sorry you are down in the dumps...anything I can do to help?

Dracenea said...

I hear ya'. I called in yesterday and today. I was all set to go in today but when I woke up, I just felt really tired so I didn't go and slept until 1:30pm instead. I'm sure my team is getting upset with me but I don't know what to do. I can't quit my job but I just have no passion for what I'm doing.

You mentioned lab work in your post...hope you're okay!

Rapunzel said...

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Laura, but I can totally relate. Big hugs to you..xoxoxo

peacegoddess said...

I just dropped by to thank you for posting this. My husband has been in the dumps for almost 3 months and experiences the same "can't get to work" syndrome some days. His underlying business is complicated, but I had him read your post and I think it always helps to know that there are other folks out there with the blues.

Thanks.

Miso said...

I think the weather never helps when your in the blue's and its that post winter affect.
I sometimes have the blues, as I am trying to get a job in this difficult time and I feel for all those whom are down in the dumps.

For me I try to counteract my mood by saying 'Cancel' to any negative emotion feeling or thinking. I do my list of things and then begin on projects. Or go for a walk. Listen and watch only 'uplifting' things and just try to get dressed head out the door and walk to work.
Maybe do some light exercises in the morning or drink some orange juice to give you a lift at the start of another day.

I hope this helps. x