Monday, January 30, 2006

other people's babies...

Why is it that since last January, everyone I know has had some sort of new child experience in their life that they feel they MUST share with me. I'm happy for them, really, but I don't need to know every little detail of their experience. All of them know what I've been through in the past year and a half and yet, they all feel the need to share. Don't they realize this is killing me? Yes, I'm happy for them. I'm thrilled that they are able to have a child (or multiple children) and to have the happy family that they seem to want. I'm even happy for those that didn't really want children but came around to it when they found out they were pregnant. However, haven't I earned the right to NOT be bombarded with this stuff? Don't they realize that telling me every detail of the doctor's appointment or showing me video of the ultrasound is really kind of insensitive? Or am I being selfish?

Some days I wish they hadn't found the problem and it would have just grown until it killed me. Sometimes I'd rather be dead than have to go through the rest of my life with no family and no hopes of having one. I don't know how to make the pain go away, and it just intensifies with each picture and discussion of my friends children or stories in the news about the idiots of the world who smother their children or put them in plastic bags and toss them in a river.

I'm just being selfish. I have to stop being selfish.



Manic Witch said...

I have no idea what to say to you to help, but please know that I am sending healing energies to you. You are a valuable person in this world in your own right. YOU ARE SPECIAL!!


Ary said...

Thanks manic. I think I was just having a pitty moment. Gotta quit having those. I appreciate you.
Thanks again! Blessings